This is the second post in a series titled, “What Can I Do About Bullies?”
1. Model the Behaviors You Expect from Your Students.
I woke up late this morning and had to really rush if I wanted to get to work on time. My husband and I have a system where I get in the shower at 7AM and am out by the time he needs to use it at 7:30AM. But when my husband woke me up at 7:30 as he was getting in the shower, I freaked out a little. What was I supposed to do? He was going to make me late to school, and unlike him, I am responsible for 27 kids at my job. So I picked a fight with him. I mean, he deserved it – he was being incredibly selfish by not taking my needs into consideration.
After the blowout, I managed to get dressed and jet out the door (but not before I slammed the back door on the dog, who refused to come inside when I called for him), but I knew it was going to be a bad day. I’m sure you’ve had them. And I’m sure your bad days end up like mine – always seeming to get worse. A woman in a minivan cut me off on the interstate as I was driving to work. I mean, I had to slam on my brakes to keep from hitting her. I did make sure she knew how pissed I was, though, as I passed by her — glaring at her and honking my horn – and cut her off.
Then when I got to work, there was a crowd of students blocking the front door, so I had to raise my voice at them to get them to move out of my way. One smartie pants mouthed off to me, so I took his name and wrote him up. I guess a lot of teachers slept through their alarm clocks this morning, because there was a line at the sign-in sheet. I had to stand in line for 5 minutes while the 6th grade math teacher gabbed away with the secretary. HELLO? I’m waiting here!
By the time I finally got to my classroom, my students were already crowded at the door, waiting to get inside. I had to yell at them to make them give me some space while I unlocked the door. Because I was late, I didn’t have time to prepare for the day, so of course it went disastrously, and the students took advantage of my unpreparedness. The kids were crazy today – they would not settle down, I had to send one kid out for throwing paper balls in class, there was a fight in the cafeteria between two of my students, and I had to put 5th period on total silence in class.
Ever had one of those days? We all have. And when we’re in the moment, most of us act out in frustration. We are so flustered and consumed by our misfortune that most of us take it out on those around us. Have you ever noticed that when you are not acting like yourself, those around you don’t act like themselves?
This is especially true for teachers. Our students look to us as the models of appropriate behavior every day. Moreso than from what we say, we communicate behavior expectations through the way we ourselves behave. If you raise your voice to students, don’t be surprised if they become verbally disrespectful. If you interrupt students or refuse to hear them out, get ready to see them behave the same way towards others. If a student sees you behaving disrespectfully, you are in a sense telling him/her it’s OK to be disrespectful.
The old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” doesn’t work in the secondary classroom. Look at the story again. Did you notice that in every negative behavior I exhibited, I was being a bully? Students need their teachers to be democratic and just leaders in the classroom. They need to know that you will behave the same way you expect them to behave. If you don’t show up in this area, students will lose their trust and respect for you, and you will have a very difficult time managing them.
Appropriate behavior is not contained to the classroom or even the school, though. We must conduct ourselves appropriately everywhere we go, because you never know when a student could be watching you. And trust me, if one of your students is in a 10 mile radius of you, he/she will find you. What happens when a student sees you cuss someone out in a restaurant? What will a student think if he/she overhears you being rude to your waiter at dinner? Or gossiping about a co-worker? What about if you are rude to your spouse in the grocery store? If you went to a public place and just observed people, you’d be amazed at the disrespect exchanged between them. it seems teenagers aren’t the only ones who have mastered disrespect. I wonder where they’ve learned it?
So to wrap this up: the best way to get your students to demonstrate respectful behavior is to model it yourself. We all have off days, but even on those days, we need to remember that our behavior is the standard for our students. We also need to remember that our behavior shouldn’t change just because our contract says we’ve reached the end of our workday. The way we behave in public is just as important as the way we behave in school. Most students have been exposed to disrespectful adults their entire lives, but we have the power to teach them something different.
